90/365: Ache

April 9th

This is a detail from a photo album I am trying to make using the photos from our first family summer in Croatia, two years ago now.

I have about 10 pages so far and about 20-30 to go. The reason it's taking so long is because every time I start I end up breaking down in tears. No one can explain to you what it feels like to be separated from the people you love until you experience it first hand.

Now that I am a parent myself, I respect my parents silent acceptance of my marriage even more. Obviously, they see our happy little family and that makes them content, or maybe just not worried. But now knowing first hand what it feels like to not have your child next to you (no matter how old) I am in awe how brave they were, to just hug me and love me and wish David and me well even though their hearts were breaking inside.

To not have your child near you, your family, is like...... someone takes a piece of your heart and nothing you do can ever fill that void. It doesn't matter how happy you are, how well things are going... despite of it all you walk around with a part of you hollow; there is no filling it, there is no replacing it.

My parents knew this feeling, they knew how much every day apart would hurt and yet they never, not once, spoke against my marriage. David and I have always had their full support and for that I will always respect them and love them beyond words.